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Acme Pepper Spray Develops a Designer Line of Pepper Sprays for Every Occasion

Pepper spray is all the rage these days. Did you know that spray now comes in a large catalogue of designer fragrances and colours? It used to be that there was only one pepper spray on the market until Acme came out with variations on the original product that included, Thai Heat, Chipotle, Habanero, Jalapeno and Jet Black Indonesian. After more than 20 years of secret research and development a whole new line of pepper sprays is coming out on the market. It is an absolute blast of pepper spray euphoria to visit ground zero of the pepper spray world here in Portland at the Acme Pepper Spray factory outlet store. If you work for law enforcement you can order the new Acme Pepper spray catalogue and order from over 150 new derivative offerings that take pepper sprays to a whole new level. When you get to visit the store in person you can go beyond the catalogue scratch and sniff pages where the show room offers the equivalent of a wine tasting experience for pepper spay variations and newer alternatives. Don’t worry they promise not to get any in your eyes unless you sign a release form. It is an olfactory experience you should savour if you happen to be in Portland and can find the time to visit their relatively difficult to find location.

Acme realized that plane ordinary pepper spray was creating legal problems for the industry since some people who might be pepper sprayed are deathly allergic and can have their tissues swell up leading to suffocation , shock and even death on occasions. Ordinary pepper sprays should require police and others who carry the substance to warn those about to be sprayed to give those with known allergies to pepper time to get out of the line of fire. Acme’s solution was first to develop a sweet alternative they call Peace Spray because it was intentionally designed to take on anti-war protesters. Peace spray is saccharin sweet many times sweeter than sugar and sticky. It comes in a variety of natural and artificial flavour and can also be purchased with a peace canon that shoots it out with the consistency of cotton candy to subdue and repel protesters who believe they are seeking to stop war and promote peace. At Acme’s company store you can watch a mannequin’s head sprayed with sour grape flavoured peace spray turning it into what looks like a purple cotton candy face.

They will dispense a bit of it on a stick for you to taste it or a wide variety of flavours most of them sour. I thought it tasted wonderful but I might have needed to be carried away if they spayed it all over my face. I asked to taste the wild cherry and it was fantastic with a slight jalapeno overtone and a little mint tingle. Once you start sampling the various flavours and consistencies of the Acme designer peace spray line it is hard to stop. Protesters who schedule riots in advance by getting permits from cities can now ask in advance which pepper spays they want riot police to have on hand when they fill out the permit paper work. Most hippie protesters will fall head over heels for the non-potent natural Marijuana smoke spray. Acme designed this peace spray derivative as a means of confusing protesters as many will feel the urge to smoke pot without any of the effects which could be a strong incentive for them to go home and light up their bongs. Pepper spray really is all about discomfort psychology. Professional protesters should definitely go down to the Acme store and schedule a full line of product sampling so as to be prepared to know which they prefer.

In a display case in the store is one bottle of spray that will get your attention. It is called “Nothing spray.” Developed by the CIA back in the early 1960s , Nothing spray contains nothing other than fine particulate LSD. The only time it may have been used was at Woodstock for anti-crowd control. Fortunately it was never available to the public. Acme says it can manufacture a batch with a major surcharge if asked to do so.

Acme offers pepper sprays tolerance conditioning classes. Anyone can attend a four week course to learn how to thrive in a pepper spray attack and enjoy it. Mostly seasoned police officers take the course. It does cost around $250 usually paid for by riot control corps and police departments. Anyone can develop an immunity to pepper spray and learn to enjoy the experience simply by incremental exposure over a four week period of time. Acme will also take visitors on a tour of the factory floor where you will see the manufacturing in progress and then get to see the research and development lab where lines of cages with skunks inside them are part of their latest secret research and development program. No other animal is better for pepper spray research than skunks as the guinea pigs. If you can ruin a skunks day with pepper spray there is no other animal that won’t be disabled. There you can see the poor little skunks sprayed with various flavour variations of peace spray . Acme is proud to say they do no direct human testing only animal testing of their product line. If ever animal rights protesters come to the doors Acme knows what to do to get them to leave. Acme pepper sprays are effective every time.

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